Sunday, May 5, 2013


On this day, the 5th of May, 2013, I'd like to thank all those who made this incredible accomplishment possible.

To my family: Without all your support, encouragement, and good-humored mockery, this day wouldn't have been nearly as gratifying.

To the makers of alprazolam—the generic Xanax: Without your product, my marriage would have had the lifespan of a Kardashian union.

And most of all, to my dear, patient, hard-working husband: Thank the Universe your back is stronger than mine.

Now it just needs to cure.

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